The extensive list of goals that I posted after midnight this morning has got me thinking.
If all these goals have been on my mind for a long time, what has kept me from finishing them?
I woke up with two answers.
1) Though I can usually tell time without a clock to within a few minutes, I have no sense of how quickly time passes. When I’m engrossed in doing something, whether it’s editing for work or digging a hole in the garden, I’m there in the moment, and the moment extends indefinitely. That’s why I sometimes don’t push away from my job until seven at night, and why I can sit on our back stone wall for an hour, just watching the forest.
2) I have no sense of becoming tired. It’s as though the more tired I get, the more focused I become on the task, so my focus becomes tighter and tighter, which excludes my physical state more and more from awareness. This must come from years of being solely responsible for too much, and having to function well despite poor health.
The solution seems obvious: establish a schedule. A weekly, daily, hourly schedule for my job, my writing, my chores and even my personal habits.
And, to help me keep track of time, maybe set up alarms to keep me aware that time’s passing?
I LOATHE those solutions.
But is my loathing simply an angry reaction to having all these goals hanging over my head? To becoming increasingly tired to the point of collapse as I fall further and further behind in so much that I want to get done?
So, first things first: I have to sleep. I have to decrease my stress and maintain my health. With those as the foundation, I can move ahead.
To move ahead, the slipperiness of my time sense has to be decreased. Time has to be scheduled and I have to become more aware of time. Instead of chaining me, this would give me freedom.
The solution may be as simple as getting a softly chiming clock.
I’m curious. How tightly do you have to schedule your days? Do you resent it? What works and doesn’t work for you?